Recently i received a strange call from a very pretty lady… Before I continue with my story I would like to say a big thank you to you and everyone that nominated this Blog as the Best Topical Blog in Nigeria at the Nigerian Blog Award 2013.(See full list here) I’m really honoured. Voting starts on 10th november and I’m also counting on you to win the award. Back to my story.. Ok, I really never saw her so I couldn’t tell if she’s pretty or not. The lady called my phone, called me a name I’ve never heard before, spoke a different indigenous nigerian language from the one I speak – mixed with broken english and ranted all through. In all, She made something clear to me. She would deal mercilessly with me for ‘all’ I did to her. At this point, i was almost convinced she dialled a wrong number. However, it was crystal clear she is caught up in a relationship wahala with her man or whoever she taught she was calling. At some point she gave up. I guess she must have realised she was threatening the wrong person. I wasn’t less surprised because I receive random strange calls once in a while.
I have seen people who fight routinely in their relationships. Some others constantly get abused. I remember watching a lady on a TV lamenting how she receives hot blows served for breakfast, lunch and dinner from her husband. These things happen everyday.
When it comes to developing a solid foundation in relationships, it’s important to be aware of certain things that can weaken this process. I believe establishing a healthy and long-lasting connection between you and your partner is the key to building a solid foundation.
Below are the real reasons your relationship may not be working out as you wished:
Resentment is the strong bitterness you feel when someone does something wrong to you. Do you have resentment building in your relationship? Having resentment in your relationship builds a huge wall right in between you and your partner. As the years go on, the bigger the wall of resentment will become. With this big wall, how can love possibly grow? It would be near to impossible to love your partner if you viewed them in a negative light.
Do you experience negative feelings whenever your partner does something? Or how about getting into an argument and bringing up the past? If you answer, “Yes,” to both of these questions, you have resentment in your relationship. The key to letting go of resentment is to learn how to forgive your partner. We are all human and make mistakes. Now is the time to decide to forgive your partner for their mistakes. If you are committed to developing a healthy and long lasting connecting with your partner, you must let go of resentment.
2. Washing your dirty laundry in public.
I have met people who felt that it was okay to air their problems out in public. These problems can include the physical, financial, emotional or psychological.
A relationship starts to become unhealthy when you talk about private issues out in public – whether it be with your friends, family, co-workers, or even acquaintances. When you are in a committed relationship, you must always be a united front. No matter what issues you are experiencing in your relationship, it must always stay between the two of you.
When you air out your dirty laundry for the public to see, it can become very embarrassing to you or your partner. When you put down your partner in front of others, you are embarrassing them. This act does nothing but destroy your relationship. Be consciously aware when you talk to others about your partner. When you do talk to others, always shed positive light about them. If you are experiencing some tough times in your relationship, this does not give you the “green light” to talk badly about your partner. This is when you need to have open and honest communication between the two of you. If it seems like you need a third party, seek a professional. There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a relationship counsellor(I’m NOT one). This can only help bring wisdom to your relationship.
3. Looking at Nollywood’s standard of what a relationship should be like.
Nollywood is the Nigerian movie industry – the third largest in the world after Bollywood. We live in a society that is filled with so many distractions and noise. It seems like we are constantly copying the latest trend, what we see in movies and what others are talking about. When it comes to your relationship, all this noise can really affect your connection with your partner in a negative way. Our society and some of our movies sets a standard for how we are supposed to have a relationship. How you should dress, how you should act, or what you should do when you get into an argument. Following society’s standard can have a huge impact on your relationship. This impact causes you to lose touch with who you truly are and what kind of relationship you want.
It’s important for you and your partner to decide between each other what kind of relationship you want to have. Women today are under a lot of pressure with their looks and appearance. Men are experiencing pressure on what it takes to be a “true man.” Decide between the two of you how you want to experience a loving and committed relationship.
4. Bringing up the past whenever you get into arguments.
I’m reminded of this anonymous quote. “Leave the past behind, or it can destroy your future. Live life for what the future has to offer, not for what yesterday has taken away.”
It’s important that you are consciously aware of when you bring up the past during the present. When this happens, it not only hurts your partner, but also builds a wall between the two of you. When there’s an argument, it’s easy to bring up the past. When a person is upset and/or hurt in a relationship, there is a high possibility that their past experiences are coming up. A relationship can never develop when the past is constantly being mentioned. How can you and your partner possibly deepen the connection between the two of you when the past keeps coming up?
When you are experiencing emotions of pain, hurt and frustration from the past, it’s important for you to be aware of this. It’s even more important not to throw these emotions at your partner whenever you are in an argument. This causes your partner to become defensive and distance themself from you. You and your partner will be making mistakes along the way and it’s important for the two of you to work through these mistakes so you can both move forward and develop your relationship.
Feel free to share your thoughts below!